


Precipice

by shellsgoboom



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Possibly Pre-Slash, lots of pining and introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 08:40:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12837477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellsgoboom/pseuds/shellsgoboom
Summary: It's a conversation they've had a million times before both on and off camera, one that amuses both themselves and the fans and usually feels comfortable and familiar. Today, however, it tugs at something Shane can't quite put his finger on. He feels exposed; raw in a way he hasn't felt in a long time.





	Precipice

**Author's Note:**

> Set after the Voodoo episode, because Shane's impromptu therapy session made my heart hurt

"Really? Nothing? You won't even entertain the idea that this could maybe, just maybe, be something supernatural?"

"What do you want me to say, Ryan?" Shane cuts off a sigh that threatens to weigh him down, "you know I don't believe in any of this...stuff."

It's a conversation they've had a million times before both on and off camera, one that amuses both themselves and the fans and usually feels comfortable and familiar. Today, however, it tugs at something Shane can't quite put his finger on. He feels exposed; raw in a way he hasn't felt in a long time.

This episode's shoot took a turn he hadn't anticipated, where left alone with his thoughts and a camera for longer than usual he'd surprised himself by talking more openly than intended. He'd considered deleting the footage immediately but something stopped him pressing the button. He tells himself it's because it's entertaining, but as he looks across at Ryan - mid sentence and still so goddamn hopeful that he can break through Shane's sarcasm and find something real - he realises that's not the whole truth.

"Something must excite you," Ryan continues, "you can't go through life _logicking_ your way through every day. You'd never experience any joy or wonder."

And that - okay, that stings a little. He sucks in a sharp breath an reminds himself that Ryan doesn't know, there's so much he doesn't know yet. Shane's footage is queued up on Ryan's screen, moments away from being analysed and he's suddenly regretting the decision to keep it.

"Logicking isn't even a real word."

He turns back to his own screen, biting his tongue and swallowing down the truths threatening to spill out into the air between them, when Ryan continues.

"Do you never look at something and think... what if?" he asks, voice neutral as if he hasn't just shattered every barrier Shane has carefully constructed around his heart.

They're on different pages now. Whatever answer he gives will be a lie of some kind, so he chooses not to answer at all. He's not sure he could speak around the lump in his throat anyway.

"Nah," he eventually murmurs, "no point in looking for things that aren't there."

He puts his headphones on and ignores the flash of hurt in Ryan's eyes. Tells himself it's just a trick of the light.

The conversation is making his head spin and he needs to shut it down before he steps off the precipice and falls into unknown territory. He knows there'll be no going back if he does, and maintaining the balance of their friendship has become such an integral part of his life now that blurring the lines is too dangerous.

Lying to himself is easy. Lying to Ryan feels like a knife in his chest and he wonders how much longer he can withstand the pain.


End file.
